I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
