I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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