you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
