after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize