mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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