tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
