I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
