yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
