She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
