Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We have started to decorate penises.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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