woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
