Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
