I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
