Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
