Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
