it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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