so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
