Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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