How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
do herpes really smell.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
