Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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