I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
