also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
