We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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