Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
