so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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