I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
3 2 1 whiskey
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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