my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
