i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
