I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
