escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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