My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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