God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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