I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
