She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
