I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
