there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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