I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
