listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
