I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
