Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
