my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
