Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
