we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
