So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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