I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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