my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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