Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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