her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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