After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
