But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
