u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
