So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I need water and some morals
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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