You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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