My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
