Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
