Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
