Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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