I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize