Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
