I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
